Till Kids Do Us Part

‘You have a condition’… “It’s incurable”…It causes Infertility’….this is not a statement you would want to hear at a first appointment with your doctor.

Like many teenagers, I have had problematic skin and have suffered acne since high school, some days it was okay and other times quite out of hand. I have also struggled with obesity especially after high school, which was a shocker to me since all through high school I was small bodied and even acquired a nickname, ‘Anne Small.’  My Body Mass Index has been very high, however a look at my family members is a sign that this runs in our family. If you look at my family members, it looks like an inherited problem…Tihihihi!!!

2009- I missed my periods for three consecutive months. I however was not alarmed but knew I needed to go to the hospital and get checked.  I did, and after listening keenly the doctor sent me for an ultrasound scan. The lady at the Imaging Department asked me if my bladder was full and seeing the blank look on my face went on to explain that I needed to take a lot of water, for my bladder to be full, which would enable the sonographer get accurate results. I wondered how, with a full bladder, I was supposed to be easy and comfortable during the scan. The sonographer was kind enough to try and explain to me as she scanned, ‘‘this is your uterus…Your cervix is closed…’ To be honest it all just looked dark in there; little did I know that I would have countless such sessions in future. When she got to my ovaries, she took more time there. After she was done, she sent me back to the doctor with a report. The doctor read through it and explained that I had many cysts in my ovaries. ‘You have so many cysts in your ovaries, do you have a child? If not you need to try for a baby but in the meantime I will give you a pill to regulate your periods.’  He wrote some name and sent me to the pharmacy. This is how it all began.

I was diagnosed with PCOS, which  stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome – In short poly meaning many cysts In the ovaries causing many symptoms that consistently occur together(meaning of syndrome) someone with PCOS will complain of Irregular periods(they can disappear for months), acne, facial hair, obesity and the big one Infertility.

Here I was, diagnosed with this condition (I thought I was the only one in the world who had it), single and 2 years into dating my then boyfriend; Soxxy. Despite all that was going on and the uncertainty that lay ahead, Soxxy went ahead and asked for my hand in marriage in 2010. I know, I also thought he was crazy. I reminded him countless times I have PCOS and I made him Google countless times about PCOS, I told him I might never give him children according to the doctor’s report and he always used to answer ‘children come from God’

After a year (well around 10months in marriage) we started trying for a baby. Soxxy would have wanted us to take at least 2 years before getting children but I had become that nagging woman driven by both internal and external pressures. Luckily, I had a very good gynae and when we told him we were ready he reminded me of my condition and timelines we had to try getting a baby on our own before he introduced any medical interventions. Five months later, there was no baby.  I started panicking but my doctor kept on reassuring me that we keep trying for at least a year before he could intervene. When we clocked a year, I ran back. At this point Soxxy would know that my periods had come when he came home to find me crying. My doctor got to work and he told me he would put me on fertility pills (and I thought this is what my body was waiting for) weh!!! I went from the lowest dose of the fertility pills to the highest dose and even to trying two different types at the same time. When I was not having a headache, I was nauseous most of the time.

Standing at the altar, we often mumble these words “for better for worse” “for richer for poorer”, “in sickness and in health”. This was our worse, poorer and sickness all at the same time, our relationship became very strained. No one ever prepares you for ‘not having children’ and especially in our African culture. At times I wished I got pregnant and then miscarried just for people to see I can actually get pregnant. I felt my husband wasn’t “looking” for a baby as seriously as I was. He felt I was worrying for no reason. I felt I had disappointed many, since getting pregnant was such an easy thing, or so I thought. Soxxy on the other hand felt I was giving him unnecessary pressure when he wanted to just come home, put his legs up and watch TV. I was busy counting when my ovulation day was. He once told me he felt like a sperm donor rather than my lover and friend.. Our home was cold because I was always crying. I remember one day my friend called and they were expecting an Ooops baby number 3 and instead of being happy for them, I cried. I just couldn’t understand this God, It’s like he was out to show me He was blessing other people with kids other than myself.  So I fell out with God (tukaishana friends pap!) It got to a point I started telling my husband that the problem must be him because the doctor had done everything possible and I wasn’t getting pregnant (all my trust was in the doctor). Things were so bad between Soxxy and I that it took the intervention of our best couple to keep us from falling apart. (Story for another day)

As if I was not going through enough, I also developed high blood pressure and this complicated the whole process as I couldn’t take any fertility drugs anymore since it would put me at other health risks. Finally, my gynae gave us two options – wait out the High blood pressure and try IVF or go for surgery ‘Ovarian drilling’ – all these options were just 50% chance of conceiving.

2013 – I remember my new year’s post read ‘This Is my year’ I got a new job In June/July and I resolved to ‘stop looking’ for this baby who did not want to come…I called a meeting with my husband and told him we would not look for a baby anymore or buy any more pregnancy test kits (I would buy the expensive ones which claim to detect a pregnancy in its early stage). I also pointed out that we would wait for two years then adopt. I resolved to going back to my life as I felt I had ‘left’ myself somewhere when all this ‘baby searching’ manenos began.  Life came back to normal, we went back to us and started enjoying our Friday dates…we used to make nice dinner, watch a nice movie and just enjoy each other’s company. I started trying to “befriend” God again; I would go to church and pray but never bring up children in my prayer, that’s an area I had fully surrendered to Him. My focus was back to myself and my marriage.

December 27th 2013 remains to be a very special day in my life. I had gone to the office, and left at 3pm feeling very hungry. Being a firm believer that eating is a social habit, it’s hard to find me eating alone. So when I found myself driving into Galitos all by myself I knew something was wrong. As I ate that chicken like my life depended on it I started wondering when I last had my periods. …I had stopped being so keen…so I walked across the pharmacy and bought two of the cheapest pregnancy test kits. I got home, made dinner and thought to myself I couldn’t wait till morning…the first test turned positive very fast that I doubted it myself so I took the second test, which also turned positive. I just thought this must be a bad joke…I took the test to Soxxy. At first he looked at me and I could tell he felt ‘not this tests again; we were doing just fine’ then he asked ‘Whose tests are these?’

That’s how our little Nimu sneaked into our lives, we named her Eliana – Hebrew for ‘my God answered’ because He sure answered us when we least expected It.

What I learnt during that season:

1. Only God has the final word on your situation. God is still in the business of miracles. Once I gave up on everything I thought would humanly work, God showed up and showed off.
2. Teamwork in marriage makes it easier to overcome even the hardest hurdle.
3.  Some studies claim that PCOS is hereditary, if a sister or mother had then you are at higher risks of having it too.
4. To be diagnosed with PCOS a couple of blood tests are run coupled with a pelvic scan to check the ovaries.
5. For PCOS you can only manage the symptoms that come with it but there is no medication that clears the cysts in the ovaries completely.
6. Having PCOS can increase chances of developing other health problems: type 2 Diabetes, High Blood Pressure (which I developed) & Sleep apnea
7. Studies show that women with PCOS are three times more likely to miscarry when they get pregnant, more at risk of gestational diabetes & high blood pressure and so there is need to walk closely with the Ob/gyn once pregnant.